Going on TV = Basically Not Worth It

By Joy Pullmann

This afternoon, I was scheduled to go on a TV program to talk about government preschool. I told the producer I couldn't make it to a TV station to record, because my husband is taking a test from 1 to 5 (therefore gone with our only car) and the show window was 2:30 to 3:45. Luckily, we could do the show over Skype, as long as I had a hardline connection.

Pertinent detail: The children nap from 2 to 4. Also pertinent: Our router is located in our unfinished basement, so I had to rig up some makeshift background. I duct-taped a navy sheet to our heater vents.

At 1:30, I put our daughter down to nap. Our son was more difficult. He finally went down at 2:15, after following me around the basement asking whether he could play with the taped-up sheet (absolutely not). I put the laptop on two wobbly empty boxes, because that's all we had down there. The sound guy asked if I could make the camera higher. So I put a third box on the wobbly stack and prayed it would not jiggle or topple. Then he asks me to wear an earbud, and I have to go up two stories to get our pair. Upstairs, I find our son in our room with chocolate all over his face. He had found a York's patty, and had definitely not stayed in his bedroom. So I scolded him and took the chocolate away, at which he began to cry uproariously (over which, I'm not sure). I rush to the bathroom, wipe off his face, and herd him back into his room, while he's still crying at the top of his lungs. I hug him, and rush downstairs, hoping we can't hear him down there. We most certainly can, which means probably so can his sleeping sister.

Then the sound guy asks if I have a better background. Not unless he wants a sheet with stripes or flowers, which he doesn't. So the sheet stays...until I go on the air, at which point the tape somehow loses its stick in the middle. Thankfully, the droop doesn't stray into the screen, but it does sit on my head slightly, making me feel even more uncomfortable. Crying kid, sheet on my head, sitting in a cold basement with a wobbly camera--all for two minutes of TV! Ahh, such is the life of a superstar.

Image by Ryan Morrison.